Life and other Happy Endings by Melanie Cantor

Author:Melanie Cantor [Cantor, Melanie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473585805
Publisher: Transworld

Day 53

I’m woken by the early-morning light and that queasy feeling I hoped I would be spared. Harry is on his side, turned away from me, the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders telling me he’s still sleeping.

I slip quietly from under the covers and tiptoe into the bathroom then fall on to my knees, throwing my face over the lavatory bowl and fumbling for a towel to put over my head in a desperate attempt to muffle the sound. I stay there, shivering, staring into the sullied bowl waiting for it to be over. I flush, cringing at how intrusive the noise of water sounds.

How long, Lord? How long? What do I have to do in order for you to allow me some final moments of unencumbered joy? What? Tell me, Lord, universe, whoever the hell’s in charge, and I’ll do it.

There’s a knock at the bathroom door. ‘You OK?’

‘Don’t come in, Harry,’ I plead. ‘It’s a war zone.’

‘Can I get you anything?’

‘No, no. I’m OK now. I’ll come out. Just give me two.’

I stagger to my feet, throw water over my face, check my nose isn’t bleeding – it isn’t – brush my teeth then gargle with my mouthwash.

Harry is standing by the door waiting for me, his face ashen.

‘Oh baby,’ he says. ‘I’m so sorry. Come back to bed.’ He lifts me in his arms and puts me back under the covers then climbs in next to me.

‘I had no idea,’ he says. ‘You cover up so well.’

‘I didn’t want you to have to witness that. Honestly, I’m trying to keep the gruesome parts from everyone until I have no other choice.’

‘You don’t have to keep them from me,’ he says, looking into my eyes. ‘That’s what I’m here for.’

‘What you did for me last night surpasses everything.’

Before leaving for home he drives me down to the beach for our Prom! Prom! Prom! He parks up and we wander along the seafront, under a grey sky, wrapped up like people parcels in scarves and hats and our huge parkas, taking in the fresh sea air amid the squawk of swooping gulls. He hugs me the entire way, saying I mustn’t catch cold, he would never forgive himself.

‘I’m going to miss out on so much,’ I say.

‘I’m going to miss out on so much of you,’ he replies. ‘I already have.’

A feeling comes over me whispering in my ear: You’re frightened, admit it. You’re scared! I don’t want to be won over by it. I put my hands over my ears. ‘This wind is so penetrating,’ I say.

The drive home is strangely uneasy, despite the comfortable luxury of the car. I’m filled with that horrible childhood Sunday gloom, knowing tomorrow is a school day and I want it to be the weekend for ever. Worse, I’m not going to see Harry for another whole week because he is working abroad again.

‘I’d invite you to stay at mine,’ he says, ‘but I have to get this car back and then be up horribly early for the flight to Berlin, plus I’ve got a lot of prep to do.

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